Set Your Intentions – Now!

It’s not easy walking away from something that isn’t making you happy but it is possible.

As a naïve police officer in my early twenties I used to think ‘why do people stay in abusive relationships, why don’t they just leave?’ Yes I was extremely naïve!

Over time and dealing with more and more domestic incidents it became clear that it wasn’t as easy as walking away and starting a fresh elsewhere, especially if in your own mind you haven’t set that intention, instead you accept that this is your life. So many people have not reached that point in their minds that enough is enough.

How bad do things have to be before you change your intentions?

In my early days as an officer I recall one of my very first domestic incidents I attended with a colleague. I arrived at a beautiful apartment, by the river, it was a tranquil location. As I walked through the lush hallway I saw a female and two children cowering underneath the dining room table. I was 24 years old and that image has stayed with me, not the children, the image of this women. Although scared she had a look of determination about her which was unusual under the circumstances.

The offender was arrested and taken to custody. The female explained a life of pure misery that had lasted 20 years. It had taken 20 years before she plucked up the courage to call the police and ask for help. She had set that intention in her mind, “the next time, I will get help” and that’s exactly what she did.

We bonded and exchanged light hearted conversation, I remember asking her “Why now, what is different this time?”

She replied “I just know.”

I truly believe the only person that can make things happen for you is you and for things to change you have to change.

When you know you know.

Are you currently experiencing uncertainty in your life? Maybe you dislike your job, want to get out of a relationship or you know you need to improve your mental health, so how do you do that?

It’s easy to tell someone to ‘just do it, or just get on with it,’ but until you actually believe it yourself, that advice falls on deaf ears.

I’ve spent the last few weeks setting out my intentions for what I want to achieve over the next few weeks, months and years. I have mapped my intentions out and wrote them down so the first thing I see when I wake up is exactly that. My intentions are etched in my mind, as clear as day. I truly believe they will happen because I tell myself they will every single day.

“Why now, what is different this time?”

“I just know.”

If you tell yourself ‘I am a failure, I am fat, I am depressed, I am ugly,’ guess what happens, you start to truly believe that is the case because your mind becomes conditioned by your daily abuse on yourself.

Coercive control is now a criminal offence. Experts like Evan Stark liken coercive control to being taken hostage. As he says: “the victim becomes captive in an unreal world created by the abuser, entrapped in a world of confusion, contradiction and fear.”

This is one of the reasons why people stay in abusive relationships for so long.

The abuser can now be arrested and charged for this offence alone, yet so many of us do this to OURSELVES. We are our own abusers.

So many people on social media subject their minds and social feeds to negative statements I have had to unfollow them because of how they were making me feel, the exact same reason I can’t watch the news. If our positive thoughts alone can improve vision, fitness and strength surely negative thoughts can damage them just as easily.

For example, when you read these types of statements every day, over a period of time, how do you start to feel?

“What a fucking awful day.”

“I am so depressed, today has been shit.”

“I can’t even deal with today; I hate my job and my life.”

We need to stop abusing ourselves and be kinder to ourselves. You are worthy.

If your intention is to quit your job, set it, set a deadline and take action. Every day tell yourself you can do it and imagine having that new job.

If your intention is to improve your fitness, set a deadline and take action. Every day tell yourself you can do it and imagine how good it feels to feel fitter and healthier.

If your intention is to feel happier, what does that look like for you, set that intention, set a deadline and commit. Every day tell yourself you can do it and imagine how good it feels to feel happier.

Intention & action = reality

I have met some brave and inspiring people over the years who have overcome some shocking events. It’s these people who make me realise that I can achieve anything I set my mind to.

Isn’t it about time you stopped abusing your mind and set your intentions?

Do it now!